Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Ant and the Grasshopper

Many of you may have seen this already. I thought it was cute, and wish I had written it myself.

Think about this when you're doing your Income Tax return.



CLASSIC VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END


THE CANADIAN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. So far, so good, eh?

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like him, are cold and starving.

The CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.

Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing 'We Shall Overcome.'

Jack Layton rants in an interview with Mike Duffy that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his 'fair share'.

In response to polls, the Conservative Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant's taxes are reassessed, and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers.

Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to the US, and starts a successful agribiz company.

The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food, though spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain it.

Inadequate government funding is blamed, Bob Rae is appointed to head a commission of enquiry that will cost $10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose, the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly set up a marijuana grow op and terrorize the community.

THE END



6 comments:

dana said...

I think the Canadian version just became the new "Classic" version. It was hilarious.

Anonymous said...

Larry

Excellent! God love ya!

Watch out the MLAs, I mean the Grasshoppers, in Nunavut don't get their noses (or should I say antennas), out of whack!

JT

Way Way Up said...

With luck some of those grasshoppers (Nunavut MLA's) will be unemployed come Oct. 28, 2008!

Michael said...

Long live the grasshopper. What's the point of life if you work it away? Ants shouldn't be allowed to collect obscene wealth anyway, not everyone can "make it" in society, so the ones who do need to help those who don't. It's simple. It's the way of compassion and it's the. right. thing. to. do.

Anonymous said...

Michael,

I think you're just having us on... but in case you're not:

You need to learn to read - this is not a satire about "obscenely rich" ants. This is about working, middle-class ants who are forced through government policy to subsidize the lazy slugs of this world.

Anyway, "obscenely rich" is a relative term. You own a computer and have Internet access, so I guess that would make you "obscenely rich" to quite a few million people on this planet who live under a plastic tarp in a refugee camp, have little to eat and are watching their children die.

There are many people who have a good excuse for "not making it" in society, and nobody minds supporting those few. The grasshopper, like most of the other welfare-sucking leeches in society, has only himself to blame for his predicament.

Did I really have to explain that to you?

Phil

ajackson1000@gmail.com said...

I watched the show Ice Pilots (Buffalo Air) for the first time the other night and just decided to do a search on Ernie Boffa and my fathers name Johnny Jackson. It floored me when the first listing that popped up with a search on my dads was a a photo of him, my mother(Dorothy) and sister (Paddy). This will prompt me to do so more research on my own with my family history, Thanks.


Allen Jackson